157 lines
7.0 KiB
PHP
157 lines
7.0 KiB
PHP
<?php
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/**
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* @package Make_It_So
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* @version 1.1
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*/
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/*
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Plugin Name: Make It So
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Plugin URI: http://blog.kjodle.net/
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Description: Can't get enough of "He's Dead, Jim"? Then here's "Make It So" where you get lines from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
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Most of the quotations were taken from: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation
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Author: Kenneth John Odle
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Version: 1.0
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Author URI: http://blog.kjodle.net/
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*/
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function make_it_so_get_line() {
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/** These are famous lines from "Star Trek: The Next Generaation" */
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$lines = "Make it so.
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Tea, Earl Grey, hot.
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Fascinating.
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Engage!
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I am Locutus of Borg.
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Resistance is futile.
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Nice to meet you...Pinocchio.
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I don't understand their humor, either.
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Fear is the true enemy, the only enemy.
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Surely you don't see your species like that, do you?
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Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
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You can't rescue a man from the place he calls his home.
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If you had an off switch, Doctor, would you not keep it secret?
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What's a knock-out like you doing in a computer-generated gin joint like this?
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Klingons are born, live as warriors, and die.
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Why do you mock me? Why do you wish to anger me?
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History has proven again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization,<br />no matter how well intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous.
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If you prick me...do I not...leak?
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Well, so much for my dramatic exit.
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Our lives just became a lot more complicated.
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No being is so important that he can usurp the rights of another.
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Do not be deceived by her looks. The body is just a shell.
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I cannot deactivate the auto-destruct, but at least I have the satisfaction that you will die with us.
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Flair is what marks the difference between artistry and mere competence.
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The game's not big enough unless it scares you a little.
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Protect yourself, Captain, or they'll destroy you.
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I <em>am</em> relaxed.
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You will never come up against a greater adversary than your own potential, my young friend.
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Things are only impossible until they're not.
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Maybe if we felt any human loss as keenly as we feel one of those close to us, human history would be far less bloody.
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I was never a boy.
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You know, if this doesn't work, the thought of spending the rest of my life in here is none too appealing.
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In a world where children blow up children, everyone's a threat.
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It's easy. Just change the gravitational constant of the universe.
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I'm not good in groups. It's hard to work in groups when you're omnipotent.
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This is getting on my nerves, now that I have them!
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We'll make it one for the history books.
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I'd like my death to count for something.
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There are times, sir, when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow orders.
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I believe there are two ensigns stationed on deck 39 who know nothing about it.
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We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
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Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant. You must comply.
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We will start with the assumption that I am <em>not</em> crazy.
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If this were a bad dream, would you tell me?
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I could be pursuing an untamed ornithoid without cause.
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Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you.
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I'll accept the judgment of history.
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We have to dream in order to survive.
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As my final duty as acting captain, I order you to bed.
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I perceive the entire universe as a single equation and it's so <em>simple</em>.
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Sir, I protest! I am <em>not</em> a merry man!
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Villains who twirl their moustaches are easy to spot.<br />Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well-camouflaged.
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Please restate request.
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The unidirectional nature of the time continuum makes that an unlikely possibility.
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I have written a subroutine specifically for you. A programme within the programme.<br />I have devoted a considerable share of my internal resources to its development.
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I cannot condone violence against people who are not our enemy.
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We live in different universes, you and I. Yours is about diplomacy, politics, strategy. Mine is about blankets!
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You look like someone who wants to be disturbed.
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You're not like any bartender I've met before.
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Congratulations. You are now fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now give birth.
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The computer simulation was not like this.
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I assume your handprint will open this door whether you are conscious or not.
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I study people carefully, in order to more closely approximate human behavior.
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I would gladly risk feeling bad at times, if it also meant that I could taste my dessert.
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I believe what you are seeing is the effect of the fluid dynamic processes<br />inherent in the large scale motion of rarefied gas.
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It is interesting that people try to find meaningful patterns in things that are essentially random.
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There are no civilians among the Borg.
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Seize the time...Live now. Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again.
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It is green.
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Program complete. Enter when ready.
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There...are...four...lights!
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The universe is not so badly designed!
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For all we know, this might just be a recipe for biscuits!
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Isn't there something else you have to do?
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Have I been dreaming again?
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Do not approach me unannounced, especially while I am eating.
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I should have done this a long time ago.
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Today is a good day to die!
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Theoretically, it is possible...
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So, five-card stud, nothing wild...and the sky's the limit.
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I do not feel pleasure. I am only an android.
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Your culture will adapt to service ours.
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They're cutting us up like a roast.
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If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are.
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Shut up, Wesley!";
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// Here we split them into individual lines
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$lines = explode( "\n", $lines );
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// And then randomly choose a line
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return wptexturize( $lines[ mt_rand( 0, count( $lines ) - 1 ) ] );
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}
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// Echo the chosen line and make sure it stays out of the way of "Hello, Dolly" and "He's Dead, Jim"
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function make_it_so() {
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$chosen = make_it_so_get_line();
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// If "Hello, Dolly" is activated, move the output of this plugin to a new line
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if (is_plugin_active('hello.php')) {
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echo "<div style=\"clear:both;\"></div>";
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}
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// If "He's Dead, Jim" is activated and "Hello, Dolly" is not, move the output of this plugin to a new line
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elseif (is_plugin_active('hes_dead_jim.php')) {
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echo "<div style=\"clear:both;\"></div>";
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}
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echo "<p id='makeitso'>$chosen</p>";
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}
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// Now we set that function up to execute when the admin_notices action is called
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add_action( 'admin_notices', 'make_it_so' );
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// We need some CSS to position the paragraph
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function make_it_so_css() {
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// This makes sure that the positioning is also good for right-to-left languages
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$x = is_rtl() ? 'left' : 'right';
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echo "
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<style type='text/css'>
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#makeitso {
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float: $x;
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padding: 5px 15px 2px 15px;
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padding-left: 15px;
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padding-top: 5px;
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padding-bottom: 2px;
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margin: 0 12px 0;
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font-size: 11px;
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font-family:\"Lucida Console\", monospace;
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text-align: right;
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text-stretch: 120%;
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background: #000000;
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color: #eeee00;
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border-radius: 18px;
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}
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</style>
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";
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}
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add_action( 'admin_head', 'make_it_so_css' );
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?>
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